You Might Be a Member of the Taliban or Al Qaeda if...
9. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
8. You own a $300 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
7. You have more wives than teeth.
6. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
5. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
4. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.
3. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
2. You've never uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave.