Monday, February 4, 2008

Women Jokes

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage
Man receives telegram: Wife dead. should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded, and in a booming voice the Lord said,
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me, I will grant you one wish".

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormity

of the undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the
Pacific! The concrete and steel it will take! It will nearly exhaust all

the natural resources. It is hard for
me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me".

The man thought about it for a long time.

Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. How she
feels inside, what she's thinking when she's silent? Why she cries, what
she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how to make her truly happy".

The Lord replied, "You want four lanes or six lanes on that bridge

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