Military Humour

Air force definition of explosives: A loud noise followed by the sudden going away of what was once there a second ago.

Always remember your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.

Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate -- the bombs always hit the ground.

Don't draw fire. It irritates the people around you.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

Don't run, you'll only die tired. - Army Snipers

Five second fuses only last three seconds.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

If you find yourself in a fair fight you didn't plan your mission properly!

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

Retreating?! Hell no, we're just attacking the other direction!

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. - Paul Rodriguez

Teamwork is essential. It gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

The easy way is always mined.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

When in doubt empty the magazine.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat.